The Next Hardest Step

I am posting this blog post in order to document how I am feeling before I leave for a week in my community. I leave tomorrow morning. I am extremely nervous and am hoping, hoping with all my heart that I will be accepted and loved in the place I will spend 3 months starting in January. I fear that I will not be liked, and I fear my Spanish is not good enough. No. I know it is not good enough. I guess I just hope that I will feel I am welcomed and loved by the warm people that I met a month ago.

I am slightly sick, but this shouldn't be a problem as it is probably a direct effect from the pollution, the dry air, and altitude. Last time I went to the Amazon, I was starting to get sick and I got better as soon as felt the humidity. So here's to hoping I feel better.
The stress I feel right now is incredible. It is akin to the day before I arrived in Quito, when suddenly this trip was actually real, I was going, and there was no turning back. Much like now: I am actually going through with the most daunting part of this trip, I am going, and there is no turning back. I signed up for this and I have gotten this far, so I can't turn back now.

... But then there is the fear I feel with my insecurity. The fear I feel with not being accepted, or offending someone accidentally (because we have been told that people are easily insulted but quiet about it). I fear not understanding or not knowing what is going on. I fear a lot of things, and these things are relevant but things we all must overcome, all of us in the program. All of us at some point in our lives. Fear itself is the greatest obstacle.

I hope that I have enough strength and courage to guide me through these next 7 days, and I hope that I have enough faith in myself and the path I have chosen to continue down this road. I hope the next week brings new experiences and new friendships, but most of all, I hope this next week brings a new understanding. Because that is why I am here. To try and understand the world we live in hopes that I can, in turn, give something back.

Ah well... Here's to new experiences!

P.S. I may also be writing this to document how bad my English writing skills will be when I get back, because they WILL be atrocious... heck, my spelling and grammar have already become terrible due to my brain working in half Spanish sometimes.